VMAs 2010: A Toast to Douchebags

Being without cable, I scrounged around various websites of dubious legality and watched the MTV Video Music Awards live and streaming. I subject myself to these kinds of punishments – award shows – because I like seeing what the celebrities are wearing, if the comedians are funny, and if any musical performances transcend past the false context of the occasion. I always watch the Emmy’s, Grammy’s, and Oscar’s, so the VMAs are nothing out of the ordinary for me. (Sadly, I don’t watch the Tony Awards, ruining my chance to win a viewer EGOT.)

The main conclusion I come to about the VMAs, and this is how it is every year, the actual musical talents are blaringly obvious compared to the popular dancers and performers. Even the authenticity of Linkin Park – they’re still around? – was evident compared to the artists that can’t sing (Taylor Swift) or put more emphasis on the performance (Usher, Justin Bieber).

Kanye West, in a red suit with a ripped black t-shirt and gold chains on his chest, mopped the floor with most of the performers even if the song he chose (something from the new album, I’m guessing) wasn’t a banger like some of his new tracks (See: “Monster” and the “Power” remix). Taylor Swift’s song earlier in the night addressing the 2009 VMA incident (“Imma let you finish…”) was pretentious, doubly so when compared to Kanye pushing the envelope of pop music under tremendous personal and media-driven scrutiny.

The VMAs are what they are, a two-hour long commercial with pretty, skinny girls in tiny dresses and bands and artists that record labels spend millions of dollars promoting, in order to do what? The channel, the host, or the musicians aren’t subversive in any way. The outros to commercials are sponsored by Taco Bell. You can go to Rhapsody.com to buy the song Drake is currently performing. Make sure to use your hash tags properly when you tweet about this. The show celebrates the music that’s only heard on the radio or seen on YouTube while promoting reality shows that take airtime away from music. (Chelsea Handler aptly pointed that out.)

It’s hard to believe that the channel cares about music when the best female pop singer, Robyn, is pushed into singing a minute of one of the best songs of the year, “Dancing on my Own”, on the way out to commercial, indie rock is ignored, and MTV’s biggest star, Lady Gaga, didn’t even perform. Think how fresh it would be if Big Boi, who released the best rap album of the year so far, did "Shine Blockas", or if Arcade Fire performed "Sprawl II". Alas, we're stuck with Paramore (a pretty, skinny girl, but this time in thrift store clothes) (I do like "Airplanes") and Kim Kardashian. Free Weezy.

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A non-music note: Chelsea Handler wasn’t funny and seemed unprepared. The pre-packaged skits where she met the Best New Artist nominees were the highlight, as were other prepared bits, the opening with Lindsey Lohan and jumping into the hot tub with the Jersey Shore cast. Every time she mentioned a celebrity in the audience, she would look and ask where that person was sitting. Isn’t this why you and your production team rehearse and prepare camera shots before the live show? During the Emmy's a couple weeks ago, when Jimmy Fallon made a Late Night joke, a camera was pointed directly at Conan O'Brien's face.